(All comments are made by local high school freshman, Patty Schlutt,
  winner of the national River of Words Contest).
"Carp," an interesting word choice, sets the tone for the poem.

Birds carp at squirrels  
in the mulberry tree.
Fruit falls into the grass
and is lost.            

This fruit strikes me as a metaphor for the things we lose in childhood.

A ceiling fan
spins the lazy morning air
over her bed,
lifts small strands of her hair

This image is very clear and unexpected, yet against filtered light captures the motion with an uncanny precision.


The stanza below seems to me to introduce the ominous aspects
of adulthood. The dark orbit of the bat is an example of phrasing
that readlly stands out and foreshadows the transition from
childhood to adulthood.

Last night the whir of blades      
ominous enticed a bat to enter.
It began its dark orbit
around the mechanical wings,
circled for hours  
in a perfect concentric path
dipping slightly in its course
above the sleeping girl.
When once the sleeper turned and sighed,
the bat shied into a corner,
its webbed wings tickling the wall.    

The motion of the bat folding is one instantly
recognized as possible, even it it isn't physically plausible.

The room lost its attraction,
the sky threatened.
The bat folded and disappeared.

Now the girl yawns,
opens her eyes to the mulberry tree,    

 It's interesting here how we go back to the first scene of the poem.

the squirrels' chase, the birds' ruckus.
She stretches her thin white arms
and twirls and twirls,
her gown billowing
in the last rounds of childhood.      

I do like the ending, it reminds me of an echo.
Through the 3rd Eye was supported in its inception by the Grand Rapids Humanities Council and is currently made possible by continued volunteer effort and private support. Copyright 2013.